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The current period represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {